1. Say goodbye to redundant conversations.
When one partner in a relationship isn't getting his or her way, the person often simply raises the topic again — and again and again and again. …Imagine that something truly painful (say, an affair) has broken the trust that once existed between two people. Understandably, the injured party may be unable to resist citing the violation over and over. But does this get at the underlying cause of the breach? Not even close; instead, it signals the other partner to stop listening.
Understand, therefore, that old allegations lose their sting with each repetition, receding into mere harassment. A better approach is to agree that neither one of you will raise the infraction again. Acknowledge that the pain is still there, then mutually work on doing things designed to rebuild trust. If the issue was an affair, agree not to go near the neighborhood where the third party lives. Or you could provide each other your passwords, contact lists or the like — whatever it takes, in other words, to reestablish Total Transparency.
If you are still truly stuck, see a therapist. Spinning your wheels at this point will only bog you down further.
Original link:
http://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-2015/couples-marriage-relationship-advice-schwartz.html
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